


Can’t Fix The Hurt

by gallowdance



Category: Ratched (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, F/F, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Missing Scene, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26856103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallowdance/pseuds/gallowdance
Summary: A little extension of the scene between Mildred and Gwendolyn outside of the bar in episode two.
Relationships: Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched
Comments: 15
Kudos: 72





	Can’t Fix The Hurt

“Mildred, _please_. You don’t have to call a cab, just let me drive you home.” Gwendolyn tried to reason with Mildred again. “We don’t even have to talk. I just want to make sure you get back to the motel safely.”

Mildred scoffed, crossing her arms and shaking her head. A myriad of expressions cross her features. “I’d feel more safe in a cab with a total stranger.” She hissed, her brown eyes darted, refusing to look at Gwendolyn. “Who knows what sort of perverse ideas you have. The mere fact that you thought it was appropriate to bring me to this place is evidence of your lack of rational judgement.”

“Look I’ve apologised for assuming. You don’t have to be cruel. I made a mistake and I’m truly mortified. The last thing I’d ever want to do is make you feel uncomfortable.” Gwendolyn explained again. She hated herself right now for letting herself get carried away with her feelings. Her initial attraction to Mildred, and then the way she thought they were flirting at the restaurant had ignited her confidence; spurred her on to dare to believe she’d found someone special. Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but she knew they had a connection and it wasn’t all one sided. Still, she would never force someone who wasn’t ready to do anything which made them anxious. She knew how hard it was to come to terms with something so personal and important. The confusing and conflicting thoughts Mildred was clearly feeling, were the same she’d gone through years ago. If she could go back in time, she would; anything to not have Mildred look at her with disgust and anger.

“Then why bring me here?” Mildred repeated, more desperate this time. “And don’t say it’s because you assumed again. I know that’s not true, I haven’t done anything to...to make you think I’m anything like you or those women in that place.” She spat out the last part as if she had just tasted something awful. There was moisture behind her eyes, and Gwendolyn could tell she was on the verge of tears. She wished she could comfort Mildred, tell her that it was alright but apart from the fact the gesture would be unwelcomed, she couldn’t lie to her either. This journey the younger woman was on, wasn’t going to be easy; it never was for women like them.

“You asked me if a man would be joining me.” Gwendolyn blurted out. Mildred’s eyes widened a fraction, then she elaborated. “At the hospital you asked me and I thought... _well_ I thought that meant something. That you were asking me something more. When I said no, you accepted my offer and I guess I thought that was you also telling me _something_ “

“I asked you because I was suspicious.” Mildred replied in a slightly more measured tone. “I’d seen you look at me before the lobotomy. I had my own assumption I’ll admit. I saw your wedding ring and I wanted to make sure you were married, that your invitation was just a friendly gesture, not anything else.”

“If that’s true then why did you accept when I informed you that no one would be joining me?” Gwendolyn asked with a raised brow.

“I don’t know.” Mildred admitted quickly. “Maybe I convinced myself that it didn’t mean anything. That you just wanted to be my friend and that I was wrong for assuming you were mentally ill.”

“Mentally ill?” Gwendolyn scoffed incredulously. “You don’t really believe that do you? You’re an intelligent woman, Mildred. You can’t possibly think that an attraction to someone of the same sex is a mental illness.”

  
Mildred glanced away for a moment, a flicker of hope formed inside of Gwendolyn as she watched her features soften. But her expectation was dashed the second Mildred turned her attention back to her. Her expression was cold, almost smug. “I work at a mental institution, Mrs. Briggs. I’ve seen what happens to women with the same inclination as you. I help treat them, give them an opportunity to lead a normal life.” She spoke slowly, as if each word was carefully calculated.

As much patience and empathy Gwendolyn had for Mildred, she would not take being insulted. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides and she glared at Mildred. “I didn’t ask what Nurse Ratched believed. I asked what you believed, Mildred.” She stated plainly.

Mildred looked despondent. “There’s only one of me.” She laughed, though there was no real mirth in the sound. “You really must be messed up if you think otherwise. Would you like me to arrange some electro shock therapy for your nerves?” She drawled sarcastically and Gwendolyn flinched at the mere thought.

“How dare you.” She said as she took a step forward, pleased at the way Mildred stumbled as she backed away. “All I’ve done is respect your wishes, allow you to express yourself and just be a decent human being. This act may fool yourself, but I can see through your mask. And for your information there _are_ two of you. I only hope you realise before it’s to late.”

A couple emerge from the bar hand in hand and laughing. The scene broke the tension, as Gwendolyn glanced over her shoulder at them. She gave them a small smile, her mind wondering what it must feel like to live freely like that. When she turned around again, she caught the same look of longing mirrored on Mildred’s face as she also watched the two young women walk away.

“Mildred, please let me drive you home.” Gwendolyn asked again quietly. When she got no response, she stepped even closer. Carefully she reached forward to gently wrap her fingers around Mildred’s wrist. She released a breath of relief when the other woman didn’t pull away. “Mildred?” She tried again.

Mildred looked down at the hand around her wrist, then back up to Gwendolyn. “What do you see?”

Gwendolyn’s brows knitted together. “I don’t understand the question.”

“You said you could see through my so called mask, what do you see behind it?” Mildred elaborated evenly.

The question caught her by surprise, but at least she wasn’t being shouted at anymore. “I see a wonderful woman.” She started to say, her thumb absentmindedly stroking Mildred’s skin. “I see someone kind and compassionate. Someone who feels things deeper than most, though for some reason is afraid to show that side of herself. I see a lot of wit and humour, hidden behind a haughty exterior. But I also see pain, and I wish that whatever it was that happened to make you build a wall of ice around yourself, never happened. Basically I _just_ see you, Mildred. And I wish I could see more. I wish you could see me as well.”

A lone tear fell from Mildred’s eye. Instinctively Gwendolyn reached with her free hand to wipe it away. She regretted it instantly though, when Mildred finally pulled away. Wrenching her arm free, even though the grip Gwendolyn had wasn’t wrong, she hadn’t wanted to detain her. “You’re mistaken.” Mildred sniffed, wiping the tear away with back of her hand. “About me, about everything and I would appreciate if you left me alone from now on.”

Gwendolyn’s shoulders sagged. There was only so much she could say. She wouldn’t beg, and she wouldn’t try to convince Mildred. “Okay.” She agreed sadly, stepping back.

After composing herself Mildred nodded in her direction. “Thank you for a lovely dinner, but I’m going to call a cab now.” She stated robotically, as if she was speaking to one of her patients. The falseness of her tone was unbearable. Gwendolyn preferred her anger to this static persona.

“If that’s what you really want.” Gwendolyn said as she stepped to the side, leaving plenty of space for Mildred to walk past her back into the bar.

After smoothing down the front of her coat, Mildred took three steps forward. She was already past Gwendolyn when she spoke up again. “Someday you’ll have to come to terms with yourself. When that happens remember that you aren’t alone, you can come find me if you want. Even if it’s just as a friend, I’ll be there for you.”

Mildred stoped dead in her tracks. Her back was facing Gwendolyn, who noticed her tense. At least a whole minute passed, until Mildred spoke. “I don’t need your friendship. Not now, not ever.” She said, before finally walking towards the bar again.

Gwendolyn watched Mildred go until she was out of sight.


End file.
